Wednesday Week 1
Tuesday Week 1
Monday Week 1
Friday 16th November.
I accidentally ate Hungry Jacks.
I've decided I need to lose weight. Again. I make this decision every year about this time. It's November. Last year it was in September, when I kept getting kicked off roller coasters at Movie World for being too fat. My then 10yo step-monster was so disappointed. His dad, now my ex (long story, which I've never told well), was too scared to go on the rides with him, and I was too fat.
My last attempt at fat reduction, after the roller coaster rejection horror, was Weight Watchers. In principle, it's a great plan. The points are easy to calculate, and you can eat as much fruit as you like. Unfortunately, their online customer service department is atrocious. I quit the program in a flurry of fury after their third email to me that had clearly been cut and pasted from their troubleshooting FAQs. I used to be a systems administrator, so I am pretty adept at doing my own troubleshooting before contacting technical support.
I was invited to perform at an Erotic Fan Fiction event at The Wheeler Centre on Thursday, 4th October 2012 alongside Benjamin Law, Angie Hart, Briohny Doyle and hosted by John Leary. I had way too many dirty thoughts about way too many characters before I settled on these. I thought I might do Game of Thrones, but it is already so riddled with incest and paedophilia, ordinary sex seemed tame. Then I wondered if a story about Hamish doing Andy in a pillow fort would be appropriate? Perhaps not, given we have the same employer. I'm sure there's something in the staff handbook forbidding erotic fan fiction about the Friday drive show. Then I wondered if something from the world of Doctor Who might be appropriate, with Dalek suckers being utilised in all sorts of profane ways. That seemed altogether too bizarre. In the end, I opted for Downton Abbey. There is one relationship in that show that has always baffled me, because it is never explained just what their deep bond is. So I have imagined one. In keeping with the style of Downton, it takes AGES to get to anything even remotely juicy.
WARNING This story contains very graphic sexual content, and is almost definitely NSFW, or anywhere else for that matter...