Death in the Family

Grief. It is different for all of us. It comes in great waves of anger, remorse, melancholy, pity, regret, sadness, relief, and a thousand other emotions, each arriving in separate shades of subtlety and strength. How do you support someone through the loss of a parent? It doesn't matter how old you are, or whether your loved one is taken suddenly or slowly, it is a loss from which you never truly recover.


I lost my mother on Boxing Day 1996, and every year, when the Christmas decorations go up, I become eight kinds of odd. Irrational, effusive, unnecessarily angry, inexplicably manic, morose, and morbid. I don't even know why it's happening, half of the time. I'm not really aware of it until I stand back, take a look at my behaviour, and ask: "Why am I behaving like Kylie Minogue in 'The Delinquents?' Like I don't know how to act?"


My beautiful boyfriend has recently lost a member of his family, and I don't know how to help him. Just by being there, I guess. People helped me through my grief, I don't know how, but they did, and now it is time to pass that love and support on to someone else.


If you are arguing with your lover, mother, father, brother, sister, son or daughter right now, take a moment to wonder what your life would be if they were taken from you. Stop arguing, go give them a hug and tell them you love them. Our days together are precious. Don't waste them.

Comments

k-kylie??

Trust me, in a blog about quite a serious subject, something I know all to well about, to focus on your delicious Kylie Minogue reference!

Who knew she could play piano? and that bleached hair, ghetto fabulous!

kylie in the delinquents

the fact that she wildly vacillates from hysteria to anger to compassion to downright deranged gurning is what gets me. poor charlie schlatter, she banished him to the obscurity of 'diagnosis murder,' a pit from which scott baio is only just being dug out of.

Sccchhhlllaaattttteerrrr!

with a name like Schlatter he could have been the next big thing! Have you watched the interviews on the dvd? (yes I have the dvd, dont even pretend to be shocked...by the power) Kylies accent was fully sick aussie mate, and her wonky eyebrow was in full force! Just how I like it.

RIP Charlie Schlatters Career - Would you look at that, were back on topic!

I lost my dad October last

I lost my dad October last year. On my 19th birthday this year i was a mess. I didn't have anyone around at the time to get me threw it. Your boyfriend is very lucky to have someone so supportive :)
My thoughts are with you, your boyfriend and his family xx

big kisses and hugs

i know there are no words that can console you the day after, a year after, or even a decade after a loss of that magnitude, but you are not alone. you should never feel that you are being a burden on anybody if you need them during a time like that. ring people and demand they put up with you. grief is the perfect time to exercise your diva muscles!

You're doing the right thing

You're doing the right thing and only thing you can do by simply being there. Keep doing that. Keep understanding that people in grief have moments of doing what you do on Boxing Day - you gotta let 'em and know that they don't mean being mean. Being mean is your domain, innit? But that's okay, it suits you because it's funny. Funny's good most of the time. Someone told me you have massive clusters of anal warts. MASSIVE they said.

massive clusters of anal warts

You're thinking of Scott Brennan...

I can relate

My mum is in the grips of aggressive cancer and in nursing facility which is basically now just pallative care. She's 76 and I would have been the first one to say "well she's had a long life" but now it's my mama, I realise age is irrelevant.

She has gotten to the angry, cranky and horrible to be around stage. She's often cross, irrational and in a whole lot of pain.

Like you, people want to know how to help. It's hard because it has to be done alone but supported if that makes sense. As long as I know my friends, husband and family are there, I can deal.

kisses and hugs for you and your mum

hey bern,
i don't know what is more depressing, watching your loved ones suffer, or wandering through the depressing corridors of a nursing facility. the staff all work their arses off, and i have endless respect and admiration for their tireless work, but nothing can stave off the crushing feeling of finality that pervades the air. it makes it that little bit harder to deal with the horror. my thoughts and love go out to you in this agonising time.
mwah
ad/.

mwah

I love you xxxx

mwah back

bless you, i love getting kisses from the boss of everything!