The Fabulounge The Fabulous Adam Richard

I thought we were all said and done in the land of limpy, but alas, no. I have become increasingly frustrated with the lack of speed when it comes to hobbling around the place, and I may have, once or twice, put a bit too much pressure on my poor little toe and her busted phalanges. (I don't know why my little toe is female, but there you are. I think it may actually be a male toe, but because I'm camp, I call everything 'she,' regardless).

I have had a goatee or other beardy arrangement since 2001, when I turned 30. The main reason was the aftermath of a play in which I was cast as Donatella Versace. Playing a woman is a painful, depilatory, foot-binding, stilt-walking horror that I never want to experience again. Also, my fat face does not show as many signs of ageing as a thin one would, and I was forever being mistaken for a 20-something flibbertigibbet -- when I really wanted to be taken seriously as a mature thirty-year-old.

Right, so I can get a surgeon to cut my toe open and pop a steel rod in it, or I can just hobble around with sticky tape holding my toes together for a few weeks and hope for the best. I may have some arthritic pain once it heals (the fracture of my little toe is through two bones across a joint) which may or may not be circumvented by shoving steel into my foot. Then again, a foreign body in my poor little toe may cause an infection, and is the cure going to be worse than the slight discomfort I have now?

X-ray says it's a fracture. Well, two fractures, to be precise. I seem to have smashed apart two separate tiny bones in my smallest toe. I routinely put 130kg of homosexual pressure on it (yes, I sometimes walk en pointe) and it copes fine! I wonder if there was a little corpuscle down there screaming "Captain! She canna take any more!"

Tomorrow, in the continuing saga of Limpy, what does the specialist say? Strap it or shove a stick in it? Will I end up with borg-foot?

Someone foolishly alerted me to the existence of the Glee soundtrack, so of course, I am now singing Don't Stop Believing, I Can't Fight This Feeling, Take a Bow and fourteen other songs at the top of my lungs in traffic.