Adam Richard - creator/writer/star of Outland
I will be plummeting toward water over the next few weeks as part of the cast for Channel 7's Celebrity Splash. I've only had two training sessions and I am already in severe agony. These old knees were not meant to be put through this kind of torture.
Having said that, I am having the best fun. It's always exciting learning something new, and this is one of the most thrilling things you could possibly do! Besides, when is it not fun going to the pool?
I take my clothes off in front of people a lot. Anybody who has worked with me for any length of time (yes, even a minute) has had the misfortune to have been brown-eyed by me at some point or another. It’s shocking and unexpected, the first few times, and for some reason it always makes people laugh. The fact is, because I am fat, polite society tells me I should be hiding my grotesque arse away from sight under several layers of clothing. Polite society also told me not to be too much of a show-off or put cocks in my mouth, so you can see that the mooning was inevitable.
Well, Michelle Bridges was a bust. I think I have actually PUT ON weight! Probably because I couldn’t bring myself to do the exercises. I know Bridges will call all of these things I am about to tell you ‘excuses,’ but that is an extremely reductive way to describe deep-seated emotional difficulties that lead to binge eating and depressive laziness.
Friday Week 1
Well, yesterday was a disaster. I had to go to the Telstra shop to pick up my phone which was in for repair. This did not take the 15-20 minutes I had allotted. It took nearly 90. They wouldn’t let me leave before it synched with the gmail server. Tedious. Then when I did finally leave, the phone started exhibiting all the problems it had which made me take it in to begin with. So I had to go back. The staff at the Telstra shop, I should stress, were very helpful and informative, and they seemed just as frustrated with the repair centre as I was. They sent the phone off again, and I finally booted off for home via the supermarket. I was going to walk to the train station to get to a film screening booked in for 3pm, but the dilly dallying at the phone shop meant I had to drive. I also didn’t get to cook my lunch, so I had the bowl of cereal originally slated for breakfast.
Thursday Week 1